A week alone in the woods set a great deal of change into motion for me. I have spoken with a few AT thru-hikers now, those who bravely set out to hike the entire trail in one season, and it seems it’s not uncommon that the hours spent alone with your thoughts and reflections can lead to making some big changes once you re-enter your real life. I think a lot about whether that much silence is a good or bad thing.
On one hand, we rarely allow ourselves time to understand our own feelings about our lives. We don’t often have days of one-sided conversations with people who aren’t even present. It must be a form of therapy – to explore a situation or relationship wearing the hats of all involved. And you are probably already putting together where I am going with this – it’s dangerous. There is no one on the other end to keep your thoughts and assumptions in check. There is no one forcing you to see their side of things. In the end…is it healthy? My feeling is yes – it might lead you to take some pretty hard steps but I think we all know when we are at a cross road, but our busy lives allow us to just stay the course. Staying the course is easiest - and is known. The “unknown” requires that you have examined every angle of a decision. You’ve talked it through with yourself. You are prepared for all the ways it could play out. And you are confident that you can handle whatever comes at you. That is where my walk in the woods has made all the difference in my life.
The AT has been my teacher in so many ways – but I think the biggest lesson is that, no matter what is happening, just breathe and move forward. There is a powerful peace in just doing these two simple things…breath, step, breath, step, breath, step. And I know this is getting corny, so bear with me here, in my hardest moments on the AT – breath, step, breath, step, breath, step – look up and the view is different. Totally cheesy, but you can’t deny it’s true.
As I prepare for this next adventure – I am coming from such a different place. I am not running from something or escaping (and I have come to realize I might have been last year)…instead I am coming from a place of peace. I have people who not only love and support me, but they get me. I think a lot about what my time alone will do to my real world – I joke with one friend that I wonder how different our relationship will be once I have had hours of conversations with him, without him.
I know I will miss my girls in a way that until this past year of splitting their time with their father, I didn’t know existed. This hike isn’t for them…it’s actually a pretty selfish thing to do and anyone could argue that a better person would not do it while their kids were young. I can only hope my commitment and striving will honor them and remind them to take risks and live bravely…but I too need the reminder.
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